So I was out driving the other night, July 4, well July 5 if you want to get all-technical and something all too familiar happened. I was cruising down a local road when the light in front of me suddenly turned from green, to yellow, to red. Naturally I stop and wait. I look around me. Not a car in sight.

Now I know I’m not the first one to write about this or even be in this position – but as much as I want to, I cannot run the red light. Why not? There is no one around, no cameras, no cars, and most importantly no cops. But I still can’t run that light!

So I begin to ponder why lights turn red when there is no one around. Could it be the same phenomenon as ‘if a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it – does it makes a sound?’ Well clearly it does. Cause lights apparently turn red when no one is around to see them.

Then I thought about it deeper. This is DEFINITELY some sort of government conspiracy. Never during the Bush administration did lights turn red when I was the only one of the road driving. It must be some sort of liberal socialist takeover of the streets by the Obama administration.

What else could it be? The man is clearly socialist. Probably a Nazi-Socialist as many people were saying during the campaign season last year. But aren’t those conflicting ideas? Nazism and Socialism? Nah! I mean look, Obama is clearly Aryan.

So anyway, like I was saying. I guess the McCain/Palin supporters were right. Here we are 6 months into the man’s presidency and he’s already signed treaties with Russia – the enemy – the destroy up to a third of our nuclear arsenals. What the fuck?! Those nukes are to defend us against communist pigs! But I guess Obama doesn’t need to defend us from a communist America anymore because that’s all part of his socialist takeover plan.

Furthermore, Obama also agreed with the G8 leaders to cut greenhouse gases by 50-80% by 2050? This man truly expects to be President until 2050? He truly is the black Kim Jong-Il… Gotta read between the lines America!

From nukes, to greenhouse gases, to streetlights… this is the inevitable new America. Darn.

In other news…

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